feeling ashamed of empathy?

Preface: These thoughts aren't entirely coherant or organized into a beginning, middle and end. There isn't a great throughline other than the guilt of not doing enough, and how that manifests in the way we talk to each other and supress emotion/discussion.

It's weird that being empathetic is something you have to be cautious and mindful about now. I don't want to make people think I care too much about communities I'm close to, or apart of. I don't want to rock the boat, or affect the status quo. I would love to have 'woke' (eugh) discussions in the at work or with strangers, but I don't want people to think of me as that guy. In my mind, I'm trying to convey my care for groups that seem not to receive much, why does that feel controversial? Don't you all agree? Why can't we bring that up?

And when I talk about this I'm not sure I am thinking of any specific place at all. I'm not calling out some employer or institution that has made me feel this way, it's just this sense of what-is-normal that feels like the standard of a "western professional experience". And I recognize my lack of authority in describing the "western professional experience" in all of my nine-months of post grad employment, but I'd like to think that what I'm saying still has value. Maybe this feeling I'm discussing is limited to the tech sector, or the bay area; but that doesn't feel like the case.

No, it feels more widespread than that, maybe like there is an assumed normal that is somewhere slightly skewed right. It's as if there are curated places we agree to share our individuality, and discuss our issues, but even though we all experience them, they aren't to to leave their boxes. Yes we've all cried before, but crying on a bus? Yikes. Yes we've all read the depressing headline, but to bring it up at work? Yikes. Those sort of truly human moments are relegated to digital space managed by some corporation, or discussed at conference attended by sleeping politicians rather than in streets, buses, dinner tables and the day to day. I am really not sure what this feeling I'm describing is exactly. The best way to word it is like a pressure to conform in some way, to a baseline that I don't entirely agree with.

In my head, it'd be much easier if we could just freely talk about the bothersome shit that's important to us. Some examples:

• I hate that lobbying can silence voices, and businesses don't seem to face regulation for it.
• I hate that prejudices are unnecessarily politicized, which makes them taboo and polarizing.
• I hate that 'professional language' is thing that we teach and employ, even though it makes it harder to communicate on a human level.
• I hate that struggling with money is normalized source of pain and shame, but asking for more feels greedy.

I want to join protests and marches to promote action. I want to pick up trash on the beach and leave the world better than I found it. I want to break out of what feels like a tidal wave of clickbait amazon ads, greedy mobile apps, and mindless media scrolling to produce some level of good in the world. I just want to stop feeling shitty about how us humans treat one another, and do something to fix that.

But then again, I don't recognize myself as being someone who can be the one to lead these discussions or movements! I don't find myself with enough authority to speak about rights for any minority groups I myself am apart of, let alone those I'm not! How do reconcile this 'pressure' with humility or awareness of my own short comings and failures? It's not that I doubt myself, in some depressed, self-hatred or anything, but I believe those who's lives I'd like to see improve deserve a better advocate. If there were to be a revolution, I recognize that I wouldn't be a speaker, but what then is my role? I am extremely influenced by the speakers of my generation (e.g. YouTube video essayists), and recognize that fostering these discussions is part of affecting change, but what is the next step?

Are the only roles to play in social change: 1) the person talking about the change, or 2) the donator of money/time?

No, I don't think I very much agree with that statement (which I just made up, to then shoot down in the next sentence). I think there is some tertiary role in shaping the culture and technology with which these conversations can happen. We can help in building systems/tools to facilitate these discussions and support education surrounding these issues. We can work on modernizing lessons from important influential thought leaders, and adapting/revising them to suit our generation's needs/goals. This does NOT give people a pass on supporting systemic improvements, or advocating for minority rights, but accompanies those direct activist goals in a way best suited for individual abilities.

Let's take myself for example. First generation Canadian, born there, living and working in t e c h in California. I have never had any sort of media training or political history or impactful activist phase. What role do I play in affecting social change? Being conscious about the companies I support (through labour, consumption, or other-wise) definitely seems like one. Or empowering underrepresented groups at in my community/workplace? The truth is there isn't just one answer. I think it involves a fundamental change in personal values, that happens to cascade into my presence in the office, or choice of employer. Maybe this sort of realization is obvious to most, and I'm the last dumbass to really, mindfully catch on to this. Maybe someone else has felt this nagging sense of aimlessness as well.

And don't get me wrong, I don't think it's all that easy. I believe the people aware that these social changes need to happen are incredibly empathetic and that lumping myself along side them doesn't give them the appropriate recognition. There are plenty more people in my mind who read more, listen more, and care more about social issues. I can recall moments of personal failures where I feel ashamed of my actions, or complacence, but I don't think that is unique to me, and I just want to convey that I really believe that's normal. Personal growth involves recognizing those areas of weakness and taking steps to address them, even if they're small. Taking steps as limited as your sphere of influence, to affect positive change and stay healthy/alive while doing so. It is not on one individual to personally suffer just because you are empathetic and recognize how bad some other people have it.

Eugh. I think I wrote all this garbage just to circle back around to the idea that those with privilege should use their privilege to promote those who do, even if it's not by way of street activism or long-form essays. I guess this is my brain's way of coping with the idea that I don't think I can be a powerful voice like hbomberguy, or ContraPoints, or Ro Ramdin. I don't think I'm best suited for making thoughtful, researched, fan-supported educational content. I think most people aren't either. But that's okay, we don't have to be.

But it's also on us to search for, in some meaningful way, for the methods in which we can be useful in helping the people that we all care about. We're all empathetic, and I don't think we should be ashamed of that. I don't like hiding it.